Living Cosby With Pets

Nov 18 2008 Published by under An Incomplete Autobiography

Every now and then, it feels like I'm living in a Bill Cosby skit.

I'm wandering around the house, talking on the phone, when our cat Pounce decides to make his need for attention and affection known by walking up and swatting me in the back of the leg.

Before I go any farther, I should probably take a second or two to explain Pounce. Right now, we have three cats. Two of them are named Pounce. They share a single body. One of the two is absolutely the sweetest, most affectionate kitten you'll ever meet. The other is a psychotic bundle of fur that dashes off in a random direction, bouncing off the furniture, whenever it hears a loud noise, like a sneeze or a yawn. Whenever you look at the cat, it flips a coin to see who gets to run the body this time.

Anyway, the cute and fuzzy Pounce walked over and affectionately rubbed against my leg. Then it switched gears, transformed into the maniac, and attacked my ankle.

I said, "Hey, Stupid Ass! Knock it off!"

And the dog got up and walked over to see what I wanted.

It was because of my father that from the ages of seven to fifteen, I thought that my name was Jesus Christ and my brother, Russell, thought that his name was Dammit. "Dammit, will you stop all that noise?" And, "Jesus Christ, sit down!" One day, I'm out playing in the rain, and my father yelled, "Dammit will you get back in here!" I said, "Dad, I'm Jesus Christ!"

--Bill Cosby

6 responses so far

  • dan says:

    Dude, if you're gonna compare yourself to the Cos, I have some demands.
    1. Wear terrible sweaters. All the time. This is a non-negotiable.
    2. Jell-O Pudding Pops. Have one with you at all times.
    3. Rename your children "Rudy" and "Theo."
    4. Smoke more cigars.
    5. Make the following noise frequently: "Bawwwwwwwwwww."
    6. Repeat steps 1 through 5.

  • More Rules for Radicals, please!

  • dan says:

    I would argue that living like the above 6 rules WOULD be radical.
    I mean, to quote Henry David Thoreau, "Simplify, simplify."
    And then, back to Bill Cosby, "Jello Puddin' Pops are delicious."

  • Crudely Wrott says:

    I would argue that adopting six rules is not simple. First of all, there are six of them. Second, Rule 5 has been completely exhausted. Third is the amount of effort required to arrive at six rules. Every time I try it I get stuck at nine.
    Does anyone remember the Cosby routine that includes the line, "Turtle heads, Daddy!"?

  • BaldApe says:

    Every dog I have ever had has answered to "stupid." The current one slinks out of the room if the cat does anything she (the dog) thinks is going to get her (the cat) in trouble.

  • KeithB says:

    If the Cos is too modern there is always James Thurber - the story of him having a big dog that tried to fit a 4-foot board through a two-foot fence is hilarious!
    PS, maybe you should name the cat Two-Face.